Tuesday, March 6, 2007
.5% Hope
Don't you just wanna go back? Back in time and fix all the wrong things you've done and do the good things better? But you can't cause you wouldn't be who you are today. But I wish I could go back to
January, when things were so much better for me. I know that I've said I'm moving on and that I'm letting go. But I just miss every memory and every feeling I've gone through.
I miss feeling the chills when the phone rings and it's him on the other line. I miss feeling the butterflies in my stomach when he held my hand. I miss just having a good time and nothing else. I miss the sweet text messages which btw I haven't deleted yet. Not most of it, I mean. I miss being a princess to someone whom I called my prince. I miss someone saying I love you in every chance he gets, mostly out of nowhere. I miss the way he sings to me on the phone -- which is why every song pretty much reminds me of him.Yes I'm moving on and he takes up a lesser space in my heart and mind now, but I can't deny the fact that I'm still bleeding, breaking and falling apart. It's pretty hard to let go simply because I get to see him everyday. That couldn't be avoided. Well I'm pretty much improving on the "avoid looking at him" part. And every time I see him you know, I just wanna call his name, approach him, talk to him like I did before, maybe hug him for just one time, maybe hold his hand, and tell him that I love him. But I am afraid that he'll push me away and reject me. I am afraid. And also because I know that I have no right to do those things anymore.
Now I realize that only
time can heal my wounds. Thank God the summer's approaching. And I wouldn't be able to see him for 2 months. Well maybe I would but not as often as now.
I'm letting him go because I love him. I still do, I admit it. I'm letting him go but I don't want him to be gone forever. I don't want the memories to die. I miss him. And I would still do until .... whenever.
I still have the littlest hope that he'll come back. The littlest of the little. But just for now, I am happy for him, for whom he's with. And I hope that they'll be happy with each other too. Cause if this girl breaks his heart, it'll break mine, too. I still have that
.5% hope. That faith. That wish. That dream. That really really really itsy bitsy chance of him coming back into my arms. :] I quote him:
"soon enough for you to wait". I am a very impatient person, but for the
weirdest reason, I could wait for him forever and never lose my temper. :]
EMO.
♥ Erix ♥
6:39 PM
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