Monday, May 22, 2006
Mental/Emotional Breakdown
This was originally written on a sheet of paper last
May 21st 2006 at 1:47 am.Read on.
In my whole life, I have never been this afraid. Saturday late night or might I say sunday early morning, something breath-taking happened to me. I was so afraid. At around 1 am, I shut the lights because we were attacked by gamu-gamos. The moment I closed the lights, I heard spooky and awfully disturbing noises beyond my bedroom door. I freaked out. I was supposed to check it out but I was too afraid that I turned into a coward. I thought of positive and negative possibilities of what it could be. Positive: it may be mama, papa or daddy doing something. Negative: a magnanakaw, kidnapper, murderer, someone trying to burn down our house, serial killer, etc. I was thrilled by my thoughts that I didn't know what to do.
I believe that my faith in God grew stronger during my "mental/emotional crisis". I kept on praying, asking for guidance and all the possible help I may need. It was so weird that it came to the point that I thought about death. Not only my death, but of my loved ones too.
What was this catastrophe about? I have no idea. I was terrified, scared. Afraid, horrified and fuck, all of them together. I wasn't able to breathe.
This experience was intimidatingly weird. I hope it does not happen to me again. My heart is still pounding, my eyes still crying. I am scared.
Was this God's way of telling that I was such a bad kid? Maybe. Maybe not.
♥ Erix ♥
5:10 PM
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