Monday, May 29, 2006
All I Want Is A Happy Family
Everyone knows how much I hate crying.. but I just did. :| I guess it was a good cry, anyway. I had this talk with
Tita Gi. I felt lighter after that talk. She told me that she never thought that she would be able to talk to me about that thing. I cried so much even when I didn't want too. Well, I can't help it. Tears just suddenly fell from my eyes.
My mom is such a
strong person. My lola is, too. Might I say that
all the girls in the family are. I feel sad about my mom, too. Now I have realized
how much she loves my dad. How much of a martyr she is. How sad she becomes when I'm not around. How she felt bad of not bringing me with her when she moved out of our house because of my lola.
I love my mom so much, no one can ever replace her.I do not want a stepmom. Some of you know probably what I mean.
I have learned a lesson. One is that I shouldn't go out looking for boys now :)) Tita Gi told me so. Because look, I have seen what has happened to her and Tito Noel, to my mom and my dad. I'm not saying that the men aren't strong but I can say (and I have seen and heard) that the women are stronger. Us females are strong-willed.
If I am to find a guy, it should be the one who can take care of me. That's what I learned.
Tita Gi said that even through all these I'm experiencing now,
I am still lucky. Luckier than my cousins whom uh, were just abandoned by their dad whom my tita thought would be the perfect husband and the perfect father. My tita refused to believe that that fairytale failed. I felt sad for her. :( I do not want that to happen to me and my mom. I am thankful that my dad's still there for me, that he
did not abandon me. I love my mom and I want whatever's best for her.
A perfect life. A perfect husband. A perfect father for me. She loves my dad so much. I just wish my dad realizes that. :| I am against having a second family. I want to have the perfect family as well -- the one that will lead me to a perfect life.
I think my dad would be able to read this because of uhm. But I don't know, if he does
it's okay. I just had to express what I feel, even though what I show him is the exact opposite of what I really do. I act as if everything's okay. It is, actually. But there are these times that.. Idk. I just don't feel right. I feel incomplete.
I want a happy family. I love my mom. And I also love my dad.I don't want a stepmom -- that I'm sure of.I don't want my family tearing down into pieces. What can I do to make it whole again? Only time can tell, I think.
♥ Erix ♥
8:05 PM
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